i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
