Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
