There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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