he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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