so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
