I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
