im about as happy as oj after his trial
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
