I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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