Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
