did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
