Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
