On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
