"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
