so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
