Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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