Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
