I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
