why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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