I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
