I think I am morally bankrupt
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
