If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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