Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
