Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
