i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
