oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
