Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize