just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
