I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
