I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
