i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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