I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
