It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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