I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love having hate sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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