I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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