someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
