Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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