Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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