Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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