forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
