Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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