I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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