she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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