you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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