just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
