dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
