we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
