I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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