I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
