Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
