I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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