erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Two words: blizzard sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
