Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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