I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
