WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
