No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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