Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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