they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
