Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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