you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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