I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
