You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
