I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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