I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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