you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
