Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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