you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
