How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
