I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize