i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
