I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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