That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
