and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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