I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
