Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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