I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
