You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
