i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i already hear my dad disowning me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
