If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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