I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
