Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
3 2 1 whiskey
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
