We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
